I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
