does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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