just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
FUCK WHALES
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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