Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
