I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
