I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
