She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
