i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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