My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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