yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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