That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
