I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You ruined the universe
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
