He told me they were just razor bumps!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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