She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
