I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize