Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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