Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
