Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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