I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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