I wish I could teleport
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
They took my balls.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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