it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
