Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
