My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
