Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
