dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize