Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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