what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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