And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
foreskin is a definite game changer
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
