hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
