is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
