i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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