I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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