She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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