She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
