Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
