thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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