my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
