Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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