Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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