Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
