i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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