it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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