so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
