Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
