don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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