maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
