This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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