I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
