i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
