You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
