She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
