Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
