a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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