I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
