I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
