summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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