there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
