I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
