Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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