dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
