Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
