I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
