You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize