Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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