He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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