Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
