dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
