So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You dont lie about slip and slides
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
