i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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