I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize