4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
