Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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