I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
