Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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