what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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