i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
