I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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