Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
