ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
