So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
