Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize