He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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