Did you just see the Batmobile???
it's like iHOP with fire
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
