My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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