no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
