I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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