I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I need to sanitize my soul.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
