And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize