You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
is wine microwaveable?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
