I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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