fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize