I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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