im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
